||[Jun. 19th, 2004|11:27 pm]
|||||Handel - Telemann - Bach - Vivaldi - Pachelbel - Cannon In D Major||]|
Don't know if I'll fit in here; I've made my mistakes, and I'm not sure "perfect" is the right word... ;) But I try my butt off, and the kind of stupidity that translates into selfishness against one's own child (or any children, for that matter) drives me up a wall, so I thought I'd try it.
Name's Kallisti. I have one child, a 16-month old girl. She's unbelievably gorgeous (some photos) and far and away one of the happiest kids I've ever seen. I tend to be quiet and withdrawn a lot myself, and she can and does break that wall with (a red plastic) sledgehammer all the time--as if I needed a reason to love her.
I breastfed (until she got enough teeth to draw blood!), homemade all her baby food, and took a big pay-cut to have a job I could work from home--but the thing I did that really convinced me that I was a whupass mommy was leaving her father. He was my best friend and I loved him and he really wants to be a good dad, I'll give him all that. But he had a wicked bad temper, and there was no way I was going to raise my daughter with the idea that it's normal for men to choke, throw, or otherwise abuse the women they're with. The day he tore a glass-paneled door off its hinges and splintered it into bits about ten feet from the baby was really the last straw, I think. So about six months ago, the morning after all this, I grabbed her and my suitcase and split. The divorce has actually been amicable--I think he feels like shit, and he should--and that's where I'm at right now, trying to handle being a single mom and losing the biggest relationship of my life and realizing every damn day that she was totally worth it. She's been worth everything, from the 22 hours of labor to all the sleep-dep and thereon up.
Maybe you guys bitching can help me keep making good decisions for her, because it's not always easy. ;)
Nice to meet you,